naked
i slept through anesthesia today cause dipti accidentally set left the ringer on the phone off. so i slept until 10:15 and had all of these strange dreams. i always dream more when i'm waking up and falling back asleep.
i went to the gym to swim and lift. whenever i change in the locker room i am always around these 40-something, fat, naked women. they are SO naked. and i don't mind it at all, except it makes me wonder why i am uncomfortable being naked in front of people. i don't like being naked in front of my best friends and i don't like being naked at the gym in front of people i don't know. i mean, i'm not embarassed about my body or anything, i just feel like my nakeness is something i only want to share with my partner. of course, i don't have a partner so no one ever sees me naked, and at times that feels like a damn shame because when i do end up naked in front of someone, i feel SO naked. maybe if i was like that fat lady in her forties, rubbing her crotch with the town in front of me i wouldn't be so timid when i'm naked. who knows? i had a goal to try to be comfortable being naked around people, but i haven't gotten any better about it.
when i was swimming today, there was this bald, older man swimming a few lanes away from me. he was swimming freestyle too at about the same speed. once i saw him there i totally got all competitive and was like "no way is this guy going to swim faster than me." and i started swimming really fast. his wingspan was much longer than mine and i think he should have easily been able to overtake me, but he wasn't even paying attention and the was like 3 lanes away. so i made up this little race and swam my ass off. i think i need some kind of competition in my life right now to make me feel alive. it's sad when i start inventing races in my head.
other events of today:
i got an arabic DVD from Roa so i could start learning the alphabet. Grace is moving out of her boyfriend's apartment and into Dipti's or my place. I tripped going up the stairs in front of a really hot guy. I skipped work.
the weather is getting really cold and i just want to wrap myself up in a blanket and sleep. hopefully this will be my last winter for a long time.
i went to the gym to swim and lift. whenever i change in the locker room i am always around these 40-something, fat, naked women. they are SO naked. and i don't mind it at all, except it makes me wonder why i am uncomfortable being naked in front of people. i don't like being naked in front of my best friends and i don't like being naked at the gym in front of people i don't know. i mean, i'm not embarassed about my body or anything, i just feel like my nakeness is something i only want to share with my partner. of course, i don't have a partner so no one ever sees me naked, and at times that feels like a damn shame because when i do end up naked in front of someone, i feel SO naked. maybe if i was like that fat lady in her forties, rubbing her crotch with the town in front of me i wouldn't be so timid when i'm naked. who knows? i had a goal to try to be comfortable being naked around people, but i haven't gotten any better about it.
when i was swimming today, there was this bald, older man swimming a few lanes away from me. he was swimming freestyle too at about the same speed. once i saw him there i totally got all competitive and was like "no way is this guy going to swim faster than me." and i started swimming really fast. his wingspan was much longer than mine and i think he should have easily been able to overtake me, but he wasn't even paying attention and the was like 3 lanes away. so i made up this little race and swam my ass off. i think i need some kind of competition in my life right now to make me feel alive. it's sad when i start inventing races in my head.
other events of today:
i got an arabic DVD from Roa so i could start learning the alphabet. Grace is moving out of her boyfriend's apartment and into Dipti's or my place. I tripped going up the stairs in front of a really hot guy. I skipped work.
the weather is getting really cold and i just want to wrap myself up in a blanket and sleep. hopefully this will be my last winter for a long time.
posted by heyrod at 12:20 PM
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