no i am not depressed

so i just wanted to write a post that explains how i'm not about to jump off a bridge, and i'm not sitting around contemplating how little meaning life has wanting to O.D. on benzos or something. writing = healing for me so maybe blogging wasn't such a good idea. cause i usually write when i feel like thinking things out, when things are awful and confusing and scary.

so please don't judge my mood by my blog...it is but a glimpse into my present struggle not the whole state of my being.

i will try to only write happy entries.

given the current state of my life: not knowing where i will be next year, who i will be around or what i will be doing; i think i'm doing o.k. when absolutely everything is a variable, it's difficult to act as if everything is gravy all the time,

random story from today:
attending doc asks us "what is the best way to illicit the pain response in a patient?"
we all give different answers: sternal rub, squeeze the nailbed, etc.
no, he says. these things all cause bruising.
he leans over the patient's bed and squeezes his nipple. really hard.
the guy screams.
this is his way. he even specifies that it works equally well in a woman and won't bruise. i think it's cruel and inappropriate.

so, no nipple pinching for me, unless someone happens to think it's sexy...then i will happily oblige.

i will save my blogging for when i only have happy, positive things to recount...so no one call the suicide hotline on me, o.k., cause i'm doing just fine.