kicking people out

over the last few months i've had to send people out of the hospital even when they have had no place to go. it never feels good.

i discharged a homeless lady that had 5 abscesses on her arms and legs that she got from shooting up heroin. she implored me to let her stay, but once we find someone a shelter bed, no matter how shitty, we have to send them out. so i sent this lady out, even though i knew she wasn't going to any of the shelters i found for her. In the morning, I was all fresh and showered, and as I walked down the long sidewalk leading up to the hospital, I looked over to the few benches underneath where people ear lunch sometimes, and there she was, clutching onto a large plastic bag of her belongings. she waved at me and called me by name. she had spent the night out there. i felt so bad.

yesterday i sent the old man home who has been sitting in a chair near the window for 3 weeks. he hadn't moved from there except to go to the bathroom. he no longer had an IV in. we were literally ignoring him everday on rounds because on our signout list he was listed as a "difficult placement". both we and the social workers had grown tired of talking to him, so we just glossed over him....for three weeks. so finally, i couldn't stand to skip over him. i sent him home...and he wasn't happy, and i couldn't figure out why he would want to be in that dirty hospital over his home, but there must have been a reason, cause he was seriously pissed at me. i found out that he had been lying to us for a while...he said that he lived on the second floor and had no way of getting up there (he broke his leg). when i talked to his son, who lives at home with him and is in his 30s, he told me that they live on the first floor. i tried and tried to get this old man to tell me why he didn't want to go home, but he refused. so i forced him out, cause the county hospital can't afford to house people that don't need to be there.

he was one guy i didn't feel bad sending home cause he lied to me. maybe i should have had more compassion cause there was probably a good reason for him to lie, but i just felt manipulated.

this month has been all about getting people out of the hospital, shortening the list of 30+ patients that we have to see everyday...and it feels so laborious. i've grown tired of actually talking to the patients. i try to avoid to talking to anyone these days, because when you have 35 patients and you spend 15 minutes talking to each one, that eats up almost 8 hours right there. so i don't talk to anyone...i barely even go into there room and look at them.

ortho is teaching me not to care.

Swim Suits and Ice Cream by A.S.S.

My friend Amy sat down in a chair in my living room, adorning her swimsuit and proclaimed:

"I think there should be a new law. People should have to wear their swinsuits when they eat ice cream. If they can handle the view, they can continue to consume ice cream."

amen to that.